
mufc_lz
- May 16th, 15:18
As the title goes, live the life, forget about pessimist-related issues, learn from experiences.
After being single for almost 2 years, honestly i was still unable to adapt fully to the singles life. I think this was because since Sec 1 to Sec 5, i was rather active in relationships, either in love, or out of love. Well, we know that secondary-love-relationships are normally labelled 'Puppylove' or whatsnot, but still experiences are gained from there. From there, experiences also shows you who is the right one for you.
Every failed relationship gives you something new to realise, clearer to the kind of girl that is right for you etc...
Since growing up, i been labelled as a sensitive guy, in terms of relationships, friendships, etc. Name it and you got it. To the extent i broke down when i was in sec 3,due to friends' comment but it was all for my own good. Good friends who don't avoid me because of my imperfections, but change me for the better. Today, i thank all for whatever you have done, for who i am today. Zhaolun, you are one of them.
Many things have occured in the transition of life from secondary school days to now, final year in RepublicPoly. From sad moments to happiest moments of my life, nothing shortchanged me. I was given many experiences, made possible by my all imperfections.
Recently, something happened again, she said it was due to my character etc. Like, being over-caring at the wrong times. I blame myself. A friend told me " You guys are just not compatible, don't blame yourself ". I understand this statement totally, but it also makes me think, " Why am i so weird? " . Probably my imperfections are appreciated by 0.01% of the girls population in the world, because so far 2 relationships has failed due to mine problem. Like the friend who advised me, she said that i should just wait for the one right to pop up, which i agree. But sometimes, its just so depressing and you would think that the words said are just consolation to you.
The problem is...
I know this girl about a year ago, and i really really like her. i know shes attached, so i waited knowing nothing much can come out of it. but i couldn't forget her, so i could only do nothing and waited.
I just want to be there for her whenever she needs somebody, other than her bf. I waited for quite some time, did stuff for her [ all out of my own will, nobody tells me to ] .
I thought i understand her, and thought i could be the one for her if time allows. I let fate and natural take its course. Recently, many issues happened that entangles my good friend, and i know its nothing between them. I know, for now. It's hard to predict about the future honestly, no one can. Whatever happens in the future, it doesn't concern me actually.
However, the fact that they are so close together hurts me. I know my friend, hes matured, he treasures friendships etc. But one thing i also know, about him, which i do not one to reveal.
It makes me worry. I told him not to, even before i introduce them together. They know each other thru my introduction at one fine night in a pub, they talk, they cry over their own relationship problems. I do have problems too, but its too near to say anything at all. I could only drink, talk to myself and smoke.
The second day, the third day, the fourth day consecutively, they went out without me. Call me once, but i din have the courage to see both of them. I refused and absent myself. Last night, i saw them again. I know, they are pure friends since the girl is attached to another, but perhaps the pain is due to my own selfish reasons.
Perhaps i should think, since she can click more with him instead of me, why and what position am i in to discontinue that ? For your readers, if you do not understand that kind of feelings, perhaps imagine introducing someone you like before [ ,of course you still feel good about going out w her, to be there for her etc] to your best buddy, and they hit off like better within days compared to me knowing her for like over a year. How would you feel ?
Now, only tinge of regret is the introducing of them together. That is the human's selfish side maybe, losing someone to someone close to you. BUT, i cannot possibly separate them from being friends since they click so instantly right. So, i not doing that. To which i concludes that i may have that selfish thinking inside of me, i am not doing that because reastically, its being immatured and stupid.
I feel totally okay with them now, just go abit depress whenever caught sight of them together. Thats for now, but perhaps it would change for the near future...
*PS: To you, if you happen to so unluckily coming across this post, chill. Don drift apart because of what i wrote here. I just ranting, Be as close as before with him.
I just need a lil time to come to terms with it, to grow up and think. So, don blame me. Thank you.